Commitment is a general name for engagement and marriage, so here I mean both and I direct my words to both parties whether a young boy or girl, man or a woman.
God wants you to live in splendor, beauty, and happiness in the days of your commitment to your life partner … and at the same time, you will not live the divine splendor in commitment unless you understand and know the biblical reason for commitment.
In fact, those who do not know the biblical reasons for commitment and build their commitment reasons on the principles of the world, or their upbringing, or their personal desires, get frustrated because they are deceiving themselves with falsely expectations before marriage which lead them into not being able to gratify the other party and he himself will not enjoy the full gratification. So they get frustrated and this reflects in trying to beat the deception with anger and argument with the other party thinking he is the cause while he is not the true cause.
Instead of this lost cycle that ends up in a terrible and sorrowful end if the person did not seek the Word in a proper way, because it is important to know the biblical reasons from the perspective of the Holy Bible, and the most splendor is to know it early before marriage, and if you are currently committed, I ask you to correct your perceptions even if it were different than the Word so that your commitment will be transformed into beauty instead of ash.
In order to see a heavenly commitment, prepare yourself before the commitment.
In order to see a marvelous heavenly commitment according to the thought of God, which is no doubt your heart’s desire, you must then prepare yourself at your tender age and before your commitment and learn from the Holy Bible what the right reasons for commitment are. In doing so, your commitment will be a kind of just giving; he who waters shall also be watered, meaning he who will water the other party will also be satisfied. Proverbs 11:25 “The liberal soul shall be made fat: And he that watereth shall be watered also himself”.
Your commitment to the other party must be a cause for happiness, joy, and gratification. Control your heart and your motives and make the following your goal: I will gratify the other party and make him happy. My goal is to expect nothing in return”.
Before we study what the Holy Bible says about the biblical and correct reasons for commitment, we will study together the common and wrong reasons which because of it people rush into commitment. Christian scholars and secular people agree that there are three main reasons, and there are other circulated reasons as well which are:
- Loneliness:
People rush into commitment due to the feeling of being lonely. These people might have increased longing and quest for commitment in the cases of psychological stress like in the case of alienation (studying or working away from the family), or when the person is going through tough times, or due to other upbringing factors. In this case, the person feels that his escape and his way out are to have someone in his life thinking that the hugs will solve his crisis or cheer him up.
Many mistakenly rely on the verse in Genesis 2:18” And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him”.
Yes, this is the Word of God, but He did not say “it is not good for Adam to be lonely” but He said the word” alone” and there is a big difference between the two. Just like the difference between being alone in your house and feeling lonely, loneliness is an internal thing, inside a person, but being alone is theoretically an external state, that is outside your spirit and soul.
You can be busy on the inside though you are alone or by yourself and vice versa, you can be surrounded by many loved ones on the outside but you feel lonely on the inside.
The feeling of loneliness is a result of inner emptiness due to the idleness of your born again spirit and this reflects on your soul, that is, on your thoughts, emotions, and will and the cure is not by having people around you but to know the Holy Spirit and to know who you are and what you have in Christ.
Many people commit because of feeling lonely and cross the engagement period, including the joy of the new life, and after the fire of this joy goes out, they get surprised that they still feel lonely, and this reflects negatively on their relationship with their life partner and they do not find an explanation for this. And the person asks why am I behaving like this? I never imagined that I would be this bad with my partner or life partner…
The cure: this matter is tackled spiritually. Save your time and do not think your commitment is the anesthesia or the cure to any psychological pain in difficult times or loneliness. You must learn to know the Holy Spirit and how He is (the Holy Spirit) your intimate person in your relationship with him and not anyone else. This is done by being filled with the Holy Spirit. To read more about this experience, click here: How to experience the filling of the Holy Spirit on your own. If you are thirsting for being filled with the Holy Spirit and no one is praying for you, you can experience it on your own and now.
- Reliability:
Many seek to commit because they want someone to take care of them in terms of preparing food, taking care of washing their clothes, and having food ready, and this often happens with men.
As for the woman, she wants to escape from those who oppress her, so she rushes into commitment, or because her parents humiliate her for being a financial burden on them.
The cure:
Learn to depend on yourself and do not let your commitment be for that reason, because if you do not address this wrong motive, your relationship will turn like the one with the worker or servant in the house, because you are looking at the other party through this wrong perspective. Yes, your wife must help you, but do not let this be your goal into committing to her. It is better to learn how to take care of yourself instead of living a life of hell in your household because this is insulting for the other part. Also do not blame the other party for not treating you the same as before and this because you have shocked them.
Do not commit to run from the people who hurt and humiliate you. God is the one you should depend on for He alone is able to change your parents. You have to practice your faith that they will change, and without a doubt, as a result of this faith, the Lord will reward you with a life partner who will make you happy.
- Sexual relationship:
Due to the delicacy of the term, I will use instead the term “marital relationship”.
Oftentimes, it is the main reason that the youth of both sexes seek, believing that the reason for the commitment is the marital relationship (sexual relationship), and of course this is the case with young men more than young women, but in this generation today they have become close in the same misconception “that the marital relationship is the reason and the motivator for commitment”.
Undoubtedly, this misconception is due to the way of the upbringing at home, and not talking about this matter to the children at the appropriate time which creates excessive sensitivity and curiosity that the child nurtures when he grows up with the wrong knowledge of sexual relationship through free media or friends…. and they are plenty. There are many other reasons, including open-mindedness and freedom but the main reason will remain ignorance and lack of knowledge of what the Holy Bible says on this subject and how he should deal with this in his or her life.
If you do not know how to control yourself regarding the marital relationship, and you commit because you cannot control yourself, then sooner or later your marital relationship after marriage will turn into an unsatisfied one, and you will resort to search for fulfillment even though you are married, and as you used to do before you were married opening yourself up to thinking or pornographic views of people other than your partner, you will return into doing the same thing.
I always say: if you cannot control your mind, your eyes, or your lust in any way or committing adultery with strangers before marriage, then you will do the same after marriage which will hurt your life partner or turn the relationship, that is supposed to honor and satisfy the other party, into predation which will hurt the other party and make him/ her less passionate, at least for this wonderful thing that is supposed to be “a love event”.
If you do not face this matter from now, do not think that you will stop having lust or adultery after marriage…. This is because you have trained your spirit to open up to a stranger to share this very special thing that is supposed to be yours alone at the time of marriage.
If you do not face this in a correct biblical way before marriage and enjoy the freedom of Christ that is yours, you will make the same mistakes after marriage and that will sadden your partner.
The cure:
You can consider that all of this is limited to the lust and its results. Lust is an idea leading to actions, and to get rid of bad or secret habits in all its forms and the longing to look at nudity or adultery … all of this is limited to ideas and it begins with it and here where the cure begins. Your actions follow your ideas so controlling the ideas is a good start and not only that but the fellowship and the intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit and to be filled with it. To know more about this subject, read the article: Deliverance from Sin (Sexual Habits, Smoking, Addiction and Bondage).
Regarding marital relationship, it is important for you to know:
- Marital relationship is “thinking” and not “an attractive body”
Yes, the body of a woman is attractive to you as a man and so is your body to the woman. But the body alone is not enough to have a correct and biblical marital relationship. And when I say correct and biblical relationship, I mean satisfying for both parties. If you do not know how to be united spiritually and psychologically beforehand, then the physical union (the marital relationship) won’t be fun and satisfying. The divine sequence is for a spiritual union to occur first, then a psychological one resulting in a physical union, and this is because a person is a spiritual being who possesses a soul and dwells in a body, so the main is your spirit. If you succeed in the spiritual union, it will result in a psychological and then physical union.
In no doubt, you will find the universal and Western thought prevalent in Hollywood’s films is to portray marriage as an attraction to sexual relationship that ends with sexual relationship, and then they begin to understand each other more, and this concept is completely reversed for what God wants.
See for yourself that the news is full of the divorce of beautiful actresses in the West, and marrying another man, and after a year or two you will find them divorcing and getting married again…. and this is what we see in the world, you will find very beautiful women, but their commitment does not last long…
Commitment or marriage lasts when the beauty of the spirit overshadows the beauty of the body because beauty is not everything. Undoubtedly, beauty is satisfying for the man but in a low percentage
even if it seems the opposite. But the biggest percentage and the satisfying one for man are the humility, meekness, and submission of the wife to the man and this will make him, even if the body is
not beautiful, satisfied in the marital relationship because the value of a woman is in her spirit and not her body.
Even if she was one of the most beautiful women but her spirit does not control her body (meekness and submission) then her body will not be a satisfaction for the man even if she adorned herself and wore perfume. Proverbs 31:30:” Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised”. Do not depend on favor and beauty only to measure a woman but there is a better biblical standard which came in 1 Peter 3:1. Let us read 1 Peter 3:1-5 and I will add what came in Greek:
1 Peter 3:1-5: “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands”.
You often find a woman who is beautiful from the outside (physically) but forgets her inner adornment (her spirit) and this does not mean that beautiful women are not spiritual, but both can be available, and this is the woman’s choice, because he speaks to her holding her accountable and this means she is able to do this, and he gives us an example of this, like Sarah, Abraham’s wife. She was so beautiful that Pharaoh wanted her…. But her spirit was in control of her body, and she was subject to her husband and considered herself second after him, and he was the first, as mentioned in the previous witness.
This is the most valuable in the sight of God and satisfying for the man, which is the virtuous woman who allowed the work of the Holy Spirit in her life.
Marital relationship is a “result” and not a ‘goal”. It is the result of an unconditional union and love. Each party values the other, loves and respects him, and is united with him spiritually and psychologically, which leads to a physical union – the marital relationship.
I repeat: If you do not know how to be united with each other spiritually and psychologically before you unite physically (the marital relationship), then the marital relationship will not be enjoyable. Set your priority to unite with him/her spiritually and psychologically starting the engagement. We will discuss this in detail in a separate point shortly.
There are other unbiblical reasons for which a person may commit, but the motives for this commitment are wrong and will not build a healthy home. For example:
-The one who is committed to a rich girl or a woman to get a share of this wealth.
– The one who commits because the parents want their daughter to be committed as soon as possible.
– The one who commits so there will be an heir for the family’s wealth.
Let us leave these unbiblical reasons and head now to the real and biblical reasons for engagement and marriage that will make your life amazing. Let us see the thought of God in the Holy bible regarding commitment and by doing so you will see a divine commitment.
Malachi 2:14-16: “Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore, take heed to your spirit that ye deal not treacherously”
Genesis 2:18:” and the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him”.
- The first reason: Creating A Covenant
Malachi 2:14 “the wife of your covenant” meaning she is the only one whom you have all the loyalty to, and the one you strengthen, honor, and satisfy. The covenant in the Holy Bible differs from the covenant in the world. When two parties make a covenant in the world, in whatever form, like Abram who made a contract or a pledge or an agreement: it means that I undertake to abide in order to give you conditions and it also means: I am here to give you what you do not have….
As for the covenant in the sight of God, it means: I offer you what I have, and I am yours without conditions, even if the matter leads to lay my own life for you. It also means: I’m doing so not because of your inability, but because I love you.
- The second reason: Friendship and Partnership
This means, she goes with you on the journey of your life and you on the journey of her life, and here what is meant is, that you have a person coupled with you in everything, an associate and a supporter, a partner in everything, not partial but entire.
The engagement is a spiritual and psychological union not physical (meaning what occurs after marriage). It is a preparation period, so what you do and what you get used to will become your lifestyle afterwards. For example, if you are used to start your life and your day by sitting with God first, praying, meditating on the Word and confessing the daily faith confessions on your life, and you do not meet unless you have spent time with God first even if you have to postpone your appointment to another date or day… so what you get used to do in the engagement period so you will do in your marriage.
Let us see the meaning of the spiritual and psychological union:
- Spiritual Union:
Being united spiritually means that your human spirits are born again of God and filled with the Spirit and having the same thought in Christ in the Bible concerning your lives. And the teaching of the Word of God is the common ground, and the Word of God is your reference and the supreme authority in your life, it is all your life and it is your thinking and principles. The Word of God with the Holy Spirit is the source of your relationship, and you both have a common or at least an approximate vision.
This also means to be lovers of God in a great way. He is the triangle of power in your life. Imagine with me a triangle with its head on top and its base below like a pyramid. God is in the upper corner and the two corners at the bottom are the husband and the wife. The more you turn to God with love and the fellowship with the Holy Spirit and understanding the Word, the closer you will get to God who is in the upper corner, and the closer you will get to each other. As a result of your closeness to God who is at the top, that is, at the top of your life…. take the decision not to start your days, meet, or go out together during the engagement period without putting God first in your life.
- Psychological union:
This does not necessarily mean that you agree on everything, but the differences of opinion are acceptable from the two of you. Different characters are also acceptable, because you will not raise your partner. You have committed to live together and not raise each other. Each party must put in its heart to accept the other, even if different characters are present. Each partner needs to change and adapt to it, or if there is something negative, the party gives a remark and waits for the other party to change gradually and leaves a room for mistake. Union also means that you decide to quickly resort to a common ground with a deliberate agreement in opinion with biblical reference, not stubbornness or hardening of opinion. Let this be the direction of your heart and a decision not to dwell on differences, but to quickly resort to a common ground or a meeting point and to put love above all things, which is the tie of perfection that will make your life wonderful. It is also very important in your psychological union to be transparent with the other party, which makes it imperative that you appear as you are and not hide anything from the other because sooner or later you will find yourselves after marriage revealing your masks and showing your true selves which might shock you and cause problems, so in order to avoid this, seek credibility and transparency and do not appear contrary to what is hidden, appear in credibility to each other.
Let us talk about the intellectual agreement:
The intellectual agreement will not be present if you do not agree to walk in love and let the Word of Christ dwells richly in you so that there will always be a meeting point despite the differences of opinion. And the more your hearts and thoughts are nourished by the Word of God, the more you will have a
unified or an approximate thought, and you will be very close, even in choosing furniture or household needs and a personality will be formed within you with a unified thought because of the Word of God with which you have washed your thoughts. The Word of God makes you as one and this is the Golden Key.
It is important for you to be present and available and not be present but absent. For example: do not get yourself busy in watching television and not give the time to your husband or your wife because by doing so, you are present but unavailable. Be present for your life partner and this will cause the harmony to be faster and better.
After this splendid harmony in engagement or marriage, you will find that the result of it is a love relationship and that marital relationship is the result of this love and not an aim for marriage and thus the result is natural and enjoyable.
Marital relationship is a result of love, harmony and agreement between the two of you and not the other way around, but the world reverses this chronology, so you find the non-believers committing in pursuit of the physical relationship before the psychological and spiritual union. For this reason, problems and weak relationships emerge and you see how problems and divorce begin to aggravate because they placed their hopes and the motives of their marriage on their marital relationship putting the psychological and spiritual union second, and this is what they do often.
- The third reason: Creating Godly Descendants
What God wants from your commitment is for you to be productive and fruitful and for your descendants to be godly and to fear the Lord and put Him as their highest priority. This also makes it clear that the will of God for you is to have children with no second possibilities. There are no people whom God wants them sterile. No, No, No! The Word of God makes His will clear. It is that the result of your union would be godly descendants who love, worship, and serve God.
I love this saying: if you want to raise and up bring a God fearing child, this is done in raising and upbringing his grandfather before the father because the latter is the one who will raise the father who in turn will raise the God fearing son.
God wants you to raise a generation that knows Him, you are not only responsible for your children, but also for the generation to come, you are in his hand to make a perfect offspring that loves the Lord and grows up and be raised in the teaching of the Word of God.
- The fourth reason: The Right (matching) Helper (assistant) for the Man
Genesis 2:18:” And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make an help meet for him.” The word “help” means a helper and a supporter for the mission God entrusted Adam with and the word “meet” means suitable, adapted, and complementary. So when the spouses are united together to serve the Lord and to carry out the tasks that God has entrusted to man, she is also anointed to be a helper and has a supporting role for her man, and the man is anointed to love her and
lead her. You will find in the Holy Bible many repeated advises and warnings for both men and women and it is important for both of them to always renew their minds with the Word.
What the Holy Bible recommends repeatedly for the husband is: love, appreciation, respect, and care. The Holy Spirit warns the man against anger and not to fall short in his wife’s love, 1 Timothy 2:8, 1 Peter 3:6-7, Eph 5:25.
What the Holy Bible recommends repeatedly for the wife is: love, subjection, to present her respect and appreciation for her husband, to cope with him and let him lead. The Holy Spirit warns the woman not to submit to the husband treating him less than it should be, 1 Peter 3:1; 1 Timothy 2:9-15.
“Overflowing love needs regulation”:
1 Corinthians 7:5:” Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency”. In Greek, the word “fasting” is not mentioned but instead they only used the word “prayer” which means your relationship with God (I say this because many believe that marital relationship is forbidden during fasting only, which may happen from time to time). The meaning of this scripture is: to regulate your love so that it won’t beat the expense of your prayer time or your relationship with God, because the love for each other is so great and your partnership, pay attention not to get preoccupied by this and put God second in your spiritual life. This clarifies the great amount and the overflowing river of love, which of its abundance must be regulated, and this shows that it is an undiminished love as it came in Greek in Titus 3:2 “gentle”, showing all meekness unto all men…. The Greek here says undiluted love and affection.
This is what God wants from commitments: undiluted love that results in marital relationship.
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