people get confused choosing their life partner while the Word of God is clear about this matter.
Withdrawal for fear of failure is not the solution:
In the midst of confusion and fear of choosing the wrong person and making the wrong decision and its long-term consequences, some people refuse any commitment in order not be mistaken about it. So, when you open the subject of commitment with them, they talk in despair as if it’s a tough project which they don’t want to start and dive in due to fear of failure, so they start launching slogans like “I am better this way (not being engaged)”, “at least I don’t fail in my engagement”, but this is the failure itself and it is called the escape from entering this stage in life which is the commitment. Yes, you wait to know the Word, but do not wait forever where you close the subject from a motive not to fail and not from a divine motive. Your life partner might be a blessing to you without you knowing. Don’t try to disengage just because you look at people around you living this experience in failure and did not succeed in it.
Yes, there are people who are called not get married, but those have special gifts from God. Like what Paul the Apostle said in 1 Corinthians 7:7 A person should not pretend that he is called not to get married whereas in truth he is called to get married but he does not do that, pretending that this matter is a precautionary measure fearing of failure and this motive is wrong and does not give glory to God.
Dear, do not be afraid for the Word of God will not leave you confused and it will make your life and your commitment more beautiful than you ask or think by the power of the Holy Spirit. Just walk in the Word and follow the Spirit in this matter and you will get a life partner and live the perfect will of God for you and I am talking to both men and women.
I advise you to read the article “The Biblical Reasons for Marriage” before reading this article because this ideology is continuous and built on each other, so if you miss a link, you will find it hard to apply and get results of what is next.
The right selection from the first time is the will of God.
In the time where a lot of suitors propose for the girl and she refuses, this refusal is correct in case they did not match the standards which I will be mentioning later, but at the same time, it is not the will of God for a man to be mired, choosing and trying to propose so many times to so many girls and failing or getting a no as answer or failing in a certain way in this matter.
And it is not the will of God for a man to be engaged to a woman and then break up. Commitment is not a probationary period; it is like marriage, a strong bond, but without a sexual relationship. We see that with Joseph and Mary. When he knew that she was pregnant, he wanted to repudiate and dismiss her quietly and secretly (meaning to divorce her) Matthew 1:19, because commitment is like marriage in power to an extent that breaking the commitment is like divorce in the power of engagement. Yes, so do not think that you can depend on commitment as a probationary period thinking it is a chance for you to break up, in any time, you find that your partner is not right for you… This is not the will of God for your life because it is not for your own good to do that neither for the sake of the other party whom you should take into consideration before yourself.
If this has happened to you before, breaking up an engagement, do not regret it but strive seriously to know the Word of God and the Holy Spirit where in both only you can make up to what has been lost and heal any psychic wounds that way you can start all over again without any minor scratch and through them (the Word of God and the Holy Spirit) you will succeed next time.
Note: Undoubtedly, I do not mean that you should not break off your commitment in case you did not get along after you know these biblical standards below, for it is better to take a bold decision to annul your engagement, which will prevent you from getting yourself tired for years of your life. You may suffer for a while and with the power of the Holy Spirit you will be able to cross this stage, but this is better than living in a miserable marriage for all your life.
But I mean in the previous paragraph that it is the will of God to be associated with the right person from the first time in order to avoid this pain in breaking off your engagement. The will of God is the right choice from the first time or at least in the least possible number of times.
If you are a spiritually mature man and know how to be led by the Spirit of God in your life, you will know your right life partner from the first time. When you study the Word, you will see the success of choosing a life partner from the first time, and I am not talking here about the way (the way of asking for specific signs like they used to do in the Old Testament, whom they did not know how to be led by the Spirit directly, so they used to request for signs, but in the New Testament you can know the mind of the Lord and be guided by the Spirit that will lead you within you. The method has differed between the two Testaments, but I speak here about the result, I mean about the cases of engagements in the Bible, you will find that it was always correct and there was no annulment of commitment or wrong choice.
Therefore, do not say, “I will request for a sign, if my father approves of this person, then this person is from God.” In fact, your father, your mother, or your spiritual father does not replace the Holy Spirit in this fatal matter. You must know the mind of the Lord in this regard and know how to listen to the Spirit yourself.
Undoubtedly, there are cases of engagements that started but did not take place because of a mistake in choosing made by the man or the other party. What I mean is: If the girl does not know how to be led by the Holy Spirit, she may refuse the commitment and this is wrong and this applies to the man as well if he is not lead by the Holy Spirit.
If this is your situation, then your knowledge of the word of God will not make you delusional and go astray, but with confidence you will know the correct person meant for you, and if this person has not come yet, I will explain at the end of the article how to practice your faith for this person to come.
So in all cases, if you are one of those who have gone through any of these situations, let us see the mind of God in this matter and start with him this wonderful path that is guaranteed to succeed if you follow the word of God and be led by His spirit and this is the purpose of this article.
Get up and know the word and do not accuse or blame anyone, one of the golden keys to success is not to give yourself an excuse but take responsibility, which is to know the word of God and to seek to build your spiritual life and when you do this, you will reap life (Galatians 6:8). The word life here means any living connection filled with the life of God.
Note: Before getting further into the topic: If you are engaged living in a miserable relationship, do not allow thoughts of judgment to come to your mind as if it had been lost forever. You can regain what was stolen (joy, harmony, splendor and beauty of the Holy Spirit) from your commitment by knowing the keys of a happy life with your partner through the Word of God. This not our topic, but I am warning you so that you do not allow Satan to give you these thoughts.
The knowledge of responsibilities in choosing: “for the man”, “for the woman”, “for the Holy Spirit”
The responsibility of man:
His responsibility is to choose the right woman because he is the one who should take the initiative and not the woman, of course after he knows the way to do that.
The responsibility of woman:
Her responsibility is to agree or to refuse, and if more than one person proposed officially to the woman, she must be able to choose between them without confusion because of her knowledge in the Word and we will know the way to that shortly.
Before learning about the role of the Holy Spirit, we will stop for a bit and explain a very important question:
Should a woman take the initiative for the engagement?
The answer is No. This is unbiblical, and there is no one in the Bible who initiated this way. If we take Ruth’s case, it is an exceptional one with its own explanation and reasons. It is not a standard, because the doctrine must be understood and its proof to be seen in the Bible as a whole and not taking in one or two situations only, We cannot extract a doctrine from the story of Ruth, and what is happening now in some churches is not right, which is a woman to initiate asking a man for marriage, even if the woman saw a vision or a dream that she would be associated with a certain person, she should not initiate or even hint at him or approach him in this regard. The dream may be wrong or it may be true, but this does not mean that she can approach the man or take initiative. If the dream was really from the Lord, then this is because the Holy Spirit is telling her about this person in order to pray to know the opinion of the Lord about him, or to warn her because he is intending to associate with her, and she then must refuse.
Many see visions and do not interpret them according to the mind of the Holy Spirit, so when you take any vision or a dream, you have to pray in tongues and hear the voice of your spirit, for the Holy Spirit leads you through your spirit. And if the vision is from the spirit or not, the woman should not open up to her emotions nor talk about this matter or even think about it a lot, and she does not have to practice her faith for a specific person, all she has to do is continue living her life and deal with these other men proposing as if she did not see this specific person in her vision. She can think about the matter in only one case, which is if the man formally proposed to her or approached her before he formally proposed, only then she should start thinking about the matter: if this person is suitable or not despite this vision or this dream.
No party has the right to practice his faith in order to be associated with a specific person. Exercising your faith does not work to direct the will of another person. Exercising faith only comes before entering the phase of choosing your life partner for a period of time, that is, at an early age, a man can prepare himself for months or years in advance by declaring the Word of God in a general way, that it will succeed and that he will know in his spirit the right person, and that the matter will go smoothly, and to prepare himself spiritually and psychologically, and to declare that it will be a divine commitment ….etc.
The girl can declare in a general way in advance that she will meet her life partner, a self-righteous person, who will be great spiritually and she can describe what she wants according to the Word and that she will submit to him. All of this can start at an early stage and not when the person grows up and start thinking about commitment.
You can exercise your faith in committing to a specific person in one condition only: after the commitment and accepting each other (after applying the biblical standards in the relationship) and after the two parties have agreed that they want to be with each other without a doubt but in a clear way, then you can declare the Word of God against any attempt to stop you or to break the engagement. This is possible since you are from a spiritual world where you can control all these attempts and at the same time to walk in love towards these people used by Satan to stop you or separate you. These people are not your real enemies; Satan is by working through them. If this is your current situation, read these articles on our website: Faith, Love, and Praying in Tongues. For further readings: Is it possible to exercise my faith to be committed to a specific person or is it wrong?
The responsibility of the Holy Spirit:
Counseling and not choosing. I will elaborate it, but let me say it again out loud for the deceived ones to be awakened: The Holy Spirit does not choose nor decide on your behalf, this is your responsibility, he only advises!
A lot of people pray asking the Father saying: “I want you to choose for me a life partner …” this is unbiblical because choosing is in the hands of men, whether in service, in commitment or anything else. However, the role of the Holy Spirit is to help you in discovering the unrevealed hidden things the other party has whether it is good or bad.
So take responsibility and do not be afraid. The Holy Spirit will not choose anyone for you, but he will help you in choosing, if you ask, and not choose on your behalf.
People has the freedom to choose whomever they want, 1 Corinthians 7:39 “she may marry any man that she wants to”, the same applied to man but only if the person is born again living in Christ and not based on a certain denomination because there is only one way, salvation in accepting Jesus Christ as a personal savior and as the new birth.
Yes, there is no specific person from God. You have the full freedom in choosing.
Do not depend on prophecies, dreams, the examples in the life of others nor or someone nominating a specific person for you nor on signs. Listen to your spirit because it is the best guide- the best guide if you are born again and filled with the Holy Spirit being opened to it, he who lives in us and with us here on earth.
Oftentimes, you find some believers (men and women) covering or hiding their essential flaws when they attend church, or when they are in public life or at work fearing that this specific person they want to commit to might flee and they do so to keep him encouraged for commitment. Here comes the role of the Holy Spirit to reveal what is hidden and not to expose, so you can eschew the commitment to an unsuitable person which might impede your service and your spiritual life.
Therefore, do not say “the Holy Spirit will treat me in a special way and he will choose my life partner because I asked him to…”
This is unbiblical and God does not behave against his Word for this is similar to a sinner who prays the wrong way and says” God I am putting the matter of the acceptance of Jesus Christ in your hands, indicate for me if I must accept it or not… “And this person will keep on waiting for God whilst God is waiting for him. Another example: When you pray and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you whereas you are believer and already filled with the Holy Spirit. You cannot pray:” Oh, spirit of God, fill me up …” This is your responsibility, and you will keep on waiting while He is the one waiting for you… choosing is your role. Choosing is your role, benefit of the Holy Spirit’s role and do not transcend it.
Beware of over thinking before you make sure this is the right person:
Over thinking generates a strong desire… what I mean is that if you think of committing to a specific person, for a long period of time, this will generate a strong urge to be committed to this person without you being aware of it … and then you will shift from the thinking stage into taking an urgent decision, and then the person will think that he is being led by the spirit because when he prays this idea comes strongly to his head so he will then believe that the Holy Spirit have brought it to him. This is not the way of the Holy Spirit. If this was the way of the Holy Spirit, he could have used it to bring sinners to accept Jesus but this is not His ways. The Holy Spirit influences the sinner gently, without insisting. This is how the deception begins and the person gets drifted away and reaches to a point where he cannot listen to the spiritual leaders in his life. You will find this in Hebrews 11:15 over thinking generate a strong desire.
So let us sum up all the choosing roles:
The believer as a man: will take the initiative to ask the girl for marriage who is in Christ after the help of the Holy Spirit.
The believer as a woman: will agree or refuse the man’s proposal after the help of the Holy Spirit. She does not take the initiative to propose.
The Holy Spirit: does not decide but helps both parties by revealing the hidden matters for both of them and leaves the decision in their hands.
What are the biblical standards for choosing?
Age, qualification, material things, reputation, personality… Unfortunately, this is what it comes to the mind of the person who wants to be committed, so he puts the woman under these worldly standards and this is not biblical because the book has made it clear that all of these mentioned are not of any importance, moreover there is no proof in the Bible on the subject of choosing a life partner that God is the one who chooses, but the Bible has placed the highest, only and most important priority: the essence of man, that is, his spirit (for a man).
Or her spirit (of the woman) and not any of the material, age, qualification or reputation, a successful commitment is based on the maturity of the husband.
God chose the church on the basis of unconditional love and not on any other basis. And when the man is filled with the Word and his thinking becomes correct, he will look at the partner as God looks at her, and the man will initiate the woman regardless of what her class or race, and will look at the woman in the eyes of God as she looks at him in God’s eyes, so he can very easily find and choose the right partner or life partner.
A spiritually mature man pours out his love on a woman, just as Jesus loved us without looking at our condition, so a man should love his woman without looking at her condition. Undoubtedly, attraction is the beginning of a commitment, but not any attraction. The attraction that comes after knowing the Word of God and being filled with it will be the right attraction, and this includes both parties here.
After a man studies the Word and understands the specifications of a virtuous woman and is filled with the Word, the attraction will be right, his thought will be colored by the word, and so is the woman after she knows what the written specifications of an honest and righteous man are. So when the man proposed and you feel an attraction towards him, this is something positive, and it can be going in the right direction, because the Word has colored your thinking which means it has affected it and now you see things through God’s eyes.
But don’t open up to your emotions until after you have prayed and became certain through the Holy Spirit regarding the other party and their approval. Don’t open up to your emotions until after the final approval from both parties being made in a clear way and not in speculation.
Spiritual maturity leads to the maturity of the personality and the emergence of all kinds of personalities on all occasions. There is an unbiblical teaching regarding the harmony of personalities between those are committed, and by the personality some measure whether the connection is appropriate for them or not, but this is unbiblical. Unfortunately, it is used as an excuse for a lot of people with which they comfort themselves and declare that the reason for their misery in commitment is the difference in personalities whereas it is a lack in walking in love.
In truth, if this was right for the personalities to be measured through the DISC test, this is also unbiblical because the one who is going to mature through the Holy Spirit will change into the same image meaning he will change by having Jesus’ personality who He showed the right personality at the right time, in Jesus there is all kinds of personalities.
This is how every believer should be, after undergoing a personal correction by the Word and the Holy Spirit, and using the pain that he goes through as an opportunity to purify and correct his character, then he will mature to proper maturity, and in pain here I mean tribulations, not curses like diseases, poverty, defeat and failure, but I mean pain for Christ and the patience and the formation from the Word which is profitable for reproof, correction, and instruction.
If you are filled with the Word of God, you will be attracted to the correct personality without resorting to the study of personalities and this will be done smoothly, and this directs your interest to be interested in accepting the formation of the Holy Spirit in your life and studying the Word of God instead of studying anything or any other science to help you to commit.
Let us dive deeply into the principles which a believer should be loyal to in order to be able choose the life partner (in case of proposing to a girl):
This list in nonnegotiable which means if it is not available in the nominated person, do not commit to her or him:
By this I mean that you, as a man or as a woman, when a project of commitment comes your way, and there are no such characteristics, there is no need to even pray or think about it because there is no compromise in this regard, and I will discuss each point separately in detail, and this is all compiled from the word of God:
- Born again of God the biblical way: not a righteous person through his good deeds.
- Filled with the Holy Spirit the biblical way: it is another experience than being born again that comes with acceptance by faith. It is not, as some believe, that a person gradually devote himself to the spirit. Rather, it is an experience that comes with faith and is accompanied by speaking in tongues.
- The biblical doctrine: Do they agree on the biblical doctrine, and here I do not mean to explain a single verse of the non-essential doctrine, but I am talking about the basic doctrine because the Bible divides doctrines into the first principles of the oracles of God or Christ doctrine, and there are other doctrines based on it. Like the personality of Christ, does he heal or get people sick? Does he want the believer to be a victim in life or to be victorious? The thought of God regarding money, people, sin, righteousness…
- The call or the divine purpose: the call is what God calls a person to, for example: to work next to the service or make themselves available to the service, and this is very important and must be agreed upon by both parties in all its dimensions, for example, if the person is called to make himself available to the service, this inevitably obliges the two parties to be in complete agreement after understanding its dimensions, for example: will you travel with him in the service or will you settle…
- The maturity of the personality: and here I am not talking about the types of personalities DISC, but I am talking about what the Bible says about the virtuous woman of qualities such as meekness, her words are few and non-dominant. And about the virtuous man of qualities which are love and control of anger and not less than this on both sides and these qualities are impossible in the sight of many, but they do exist. All they need is patience and walking in the spirit, and they will find that these characters exist and can be lived, because the Bible does not give us anything incapacitating and impossible, but there is a way by which you will know who the proposer is.
Before going into details, I want to stress on every point preceded that everything mentioned in this list should be available in man before woman because the man is the leader of the house and he must be the highest spiritually, but if all of these points are not available in the woman, she should at least be born of God and accepts the other points (like being filled with the Spirit and the doctrine) and this means a primary agreement on the points which are not yet available in her because she might be unaware how to obtain, enjoy , and enter the depth of these points because she had no one to lead her to, therefore this is primarily acceptable and the person who is going to propose to the woman must discuss all these principles with her in order to know if she is ready to open up to the Spirit or not , if she accepts for the Word of God to be the highest authority or believes that the teachers authority is higher than the Word, even if there was disagreement with the Word of God ….etc.
And here the person depends on the Spirit to distinguish if the woman is in real agreement with him or not. But I repeat, there is no compromise at the point of being born again, this is inevitable, not even if she says that she will accept Jesus later, if she was not born of God, then she is not fit for commitment… even if you were eager to commit to her or him (for the woman if the person proposing is a non-believer ), not being committed for a period of time is much better than the miserable relationship and the hell that you will not get out of, and undoubtedly this may have happened with some in their commitment and now their marriage is at the peak of misery, but there is always a solution which is for a person to put his faith into practice and to walk in love with the other person, but this will take time of course.
After knowing that these points are available in her and that she primarily agrees upon it, in this case, the man should decide if he wants to be committed to a woman who is mature in these areas or to be committed to a woman who is still growing and wants to help her mature, because she takes from your fullness and growth, so you should think more carefully to be able to choose.
I will now explain in detail and at length the points of the list above, and you will find that spiritual matters are not compromised:
- Being born again:
Undoubtedly, you must not consider any candidate (meaning a person) who is not born of God because if you knew your identity in Christ and stacked to him then you will realize that you are no longer a carnally person but a heavenly one living on earth. So in this sense, you will have candidates from the sisters who are born of God and you must exempt the ones who are not.
As for the woman, she has an opportunity to refuse to be committed to a non-believer so that he does not get tired and comes and asks her for marriage and she does not need to pray because this matter is a foregone conclusion and the woman must not make any delusional excuses if the proposer was not really born of God and she must not say he is born of God in a certain way or certain denomination. Being born again is one way and has no other, which is the acceptance of the Lord Jesus and recognition of him as a personal savior and this is what the Bible says in this regard in 1 Corinthians 7:39
Because you will not be able to know if he is going to accept Jesus or not, so do not fool yourself into thinking that he will believe after the marriage and this also applies to men, do not say that you will bring someone to believe in Jesus after getting married, instead this person will get you further away from God unto perdition, because he will assert dominance to stop you from the spiritual matters because this is unacceptable to him or her, the influence is spiritual, psychological, and physical whether you like it or not. Do not try to convince yourself by saying: he or she is a great person who does great deeds with a great reputation.
Observe this with me the following: Cornelius was a great person but he was not saved. God sent an angel to him to lead him to Peter in order to get saved. Acts 10:1-6 “There was a certain man in Caesarea called Cornelius, a centurion of the band called the Italian band,A devout man, and one that feared God with all his house, which gave much alms to the people, and prayed to God always. He saw in a vision evidently about the ninth hour of the day an angel of God coming in to him, and saying unto him, Cornelius. And when he looked on him, he was afraid, and said, what is it, Lord? And he said unto him, thy prayers and thine alms are come up for a memorial before God. And now send men to Joppa, and call for one Simon, whose surname is Peter: Helodgeth with one Simon a tanner, whose house is by the sea side: he shall tell thee what thou oughtest to do.”
And for the completion of the story read this dangerous talk with me: Acts11:13-14 “And he shewed us how he had seen an angel in his house, which stood and said unto him, Send men to Joppa, and call for Simon, whose surname is Peter;Who shall tell thee words, whereby thou and all thy house shall be saved.”
In God’s view, he was a devout man but still going to hell. Why? Because he was not saved which means he was not born of God like when the Lord Jesus said in John 3:3: ”Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God”.
So he who accepted Jesus is born of God and not the one who does good deeds and this is what God did when he sent an angel to lead the man into accepting Jesus because God has found something lacking in Cornelius’ life. It is vital but not enough for a person to be devout because devoutness is to love God, it is not salvation. Accepting Christ and believing in Him is the only way to be saved. For further reading about this topic, read these two articles: 1 How to be born of God know God personally and enter into a relationship with him and How to get rid from sin and its results.
This point is not waived. If she or he is a non-believer, it is not appropriate to be committed to him or her. Do not ease the matter because in the end you are the one who will get hurt, and do not try to turn things around, he is either born again or not, because the biblical way is clear. Do not let the fear of spinsterhood or the insistence of the house, for you to be committed to someone, to drag into committing to the wrong person; he is from the kingdom of darkness while you are from the kingdom light.
- Filled with the Holy Spirit:
Being filled with the Holy Spirit is imperative since the start of the church and still is and this is how it should be in the life of every believer. If the other party has the primarily acceptance for this experience then it is acceptable, but the one who refuses this experience is not fit for commitment.
Do not accept anything other than the biblical way. Being filled with the Spirit does not mean that a person isolate himself of the world in order to allow the Holy Spirit to fill him. The Holy Spirit is not a substance, but being filled (very briefly) is your full awareness and perception of the Holy Spirit after you kindled it with prayer in tongues, we find in Acts 2 how 120 people out of 120 spoke in tongues. It is a second experience after the second birth, or it might happen to the person to speak in tongues immediately after accepting Jesus. It also happens after meditating on the Word and praying in tongues, because then you kindle your spirit, and the Holy Spirit begins to take control of your life, and this must be a daily experience and begins with your acceptance of the Holy Spirit. Never compromise on this point. If a person does not accept the Holy Spirit or rejects the principle from its foundation, then he is not fit for commitment.
If you long to be filled with the Holy Spirit and have not found anyone to explain this subject to you, you can read this article: How to be filled with the Holy Spirit by yourself and now.
- The Christian Doctrine:
What is the doctrine of the person you wish to be committed to? Does he believe that the Word of God has the solution for any topic or someone else has it? Is the faith life fundamental principle or optional? Does he believe, know, and walk in the inheritance left for us by Christ? Are the divine health and prosperity for everyone or for some only? Does he or she respect the entity of the church as the entity assigned by God and the necessity of commitment in attending meetings?
These are very important themes and God does not want you to suffer in your life but to enjoy life with a divine health and to have your needs met in abundance.
Observe the following with me: the Christian doctrine is very important because it assembles swiftly all the points of difference to a common meeting point because the Word of God is your reference. This happens through the unity of thinking due to the unity of the doctrine. A house full of troubles doesn’t have the unity of thinking or maybe knows the biblical thought toward earthly matters but does not live by it.
Therefore, if the person has the viability to understand and to accept these standards, it is good then, otherwise he is not fit to be committed to. A person might ask how I can identify all of this in the other party. By asking questions and knowing his opinion in these matters. You can also consult your pastor who knows the conditions of his congregation so he leads you to know more about this person and of course this happens if the pastor believes in this all too.
Do not compromise on this point because it is central and instead of spending your life on a path and her on another, you must be united or at least close in doctrinal biblical thought.
- The divine call on your life and hers:
This matter is very important, because with it the commitment may stop or continue, if the person you are thinking of being committed to does not know the vision of the Lord about his life, then this is dangerous, and if this person is the man, then he is lost, but if it is the woman, she may be on her way to maturity. But at least she must make sure that she accepts to go where God wants her to go through her husband because he is the leader of the house that is to be formed, and if she has a real willingness to move where God wants him to, then this is a good sign.
Ibrahim chose for his sons and so as Isaac a woman according to what is aligned with the call of God on their lives so they knew they must not blend in with any descendant other than the descendant of faith so that Jesus would come from their descendants and saves the world. Genesis 24:3-4:”And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” Genesis 28:6:” When Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob, and sent him away to Padanaram, to take him a wife from thence; and that as he blessed him he gave him a charge, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan..”
They refused to think about any person other than a certain group of girls because they knew God’s vision on their lives and his purpose, that Jesus would come from their descendants, and this is a choice according to the call and not the approval.
Pay attention to this point: you might find the first three points in any born again girl, the filling of the Holy Spirit and the doctrine, but you might not find the fourth one, the divine call in her life. This will help you in choosing or eliminating the person who is not aligned with your vision.
The principle of yoke in the previous four points that cannot be waived:
2 Corinthians 6:14-16:” Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.”
Yes, this scripture is about the believers and the unbelievers but if we study the yoke where Jesus mentions in this scripture, we discover an idea and a general principle mentioned in the Word of God that will help you in understanding the inevitable availability of these previous four points:
Matthew 11:28-29:”Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
A quick overview of the yoke:
It is a wooden stick that connects the animal to a grinding machine when it is plowing, so it cannot be separated from the machine. And you can tie it with another animal so that they can accomplish one task together, so they can’t be separated. In the old days, when they used to make the yoke, the carpenter used to go and take measurements whether between the animal and the machine or between both animals. Then he comes back and builds a yoke. Any wood with a specific design curved for each animal’s back and length, and it fits with the two ends on the same comfortable size for both parties, and this will eventually lead to the completion of the work in an easy way for both parties. What the carpenter does before starting with the measurements is very important, because he goes and sees and contemplates the animal before taking the measurements, and if there is a big difference between the two parties, he refuses to make the yoke from the beginning. This is a quick overview of the method of making the yoke.
Let’s go back to the commitment and this clarifies for us what the Word means. The word “my yoke is easy” which describes the yoke means “appropriate and suitable (the right size)”. Yes, and here it is clear to us that if the yoke or the connection is not in the same size then it is not fit for the two to be committed.
When you entered in a relationship with Lord Jesus and became in a partnership with Him and God became your father, you became walking in a divine system and ways and the Word. And this is the meaning of the commitment and the yoke and this is how you must submit yourself to it. And if you are a person outside this yoke, God is waiting for you to come to Him and to submit yourself to Him. And this is how you should choose your life partner (or the proposer) according to the yoke. And the yoke here is the four previous points.
Let’s move on the important point which is character:
- The maturity of the personality:
Spiritual maturity is strongly connected to the maturity of the personality and this found in Romans 5:3-5:” And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;And patience, experience (character correction); and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” And I repeat by saying that the pain mentioned here in this scripture is not sickness, poverty, and failure but it is the tribulation in life to train the person and that is away from what we know as the Old Testament curses.
For example, being in a workplace and your boss is hard or a strict spiritual leader who teaches you the Word in the correct way, stick to them and never run away. Or maybe one of the parents might be tough and does not show you love in the correct way, walk with him in love and submit to him to what he tells you in Christ meaning according to the Word and this will reproof your personality. Important points for the man:
In choosing your life partner you have to check her personality in the light of the Word of God. Meaning that she must be meek, calm, and to appreciate her husband. You might ask how I should know this if she is not committed. You can know this from her lifestyle because it will be shown in her appreciation to others before being committed. Like being submissive to her parents or the pastor in church and treating others with respect…
The Bible makes it clear; it is required from the woman to adjust with her husband and not the opposite. Yes, this is found in 1 Peter 3:1-6 and Ephesians 5:22-23. Also, it is required not to make fun of the husband but to respect him, to appreciate him, and to consider him as a gift from God and deal with him as treasure and to appreciate him an appreciation similar to the one that suits God and this based on the Amplified translation.
The Holy Bible focuses in its commandment to women on submission and meekness, because this is what pleases and satisfies the man more than anything and more than the body, even which by nature is strongly inclined to him, but the man will not be satisfied with the body for life if the woman is rebellious, not humble and has an authoritarian tendency.
Important points for the woman:
Before responding to the proposer, you have to make sure that the man is clear and that the Word of God resides in him richly and spiritually led knowing the love of God so that he, with no doubt, would love his wife and have compassion towards her. The Bible focuses in its commandment to the man not to be angry and to be loving and provide compassion towards his wife “1 Peter 3:7”, “Ephesians 5:28-32” and “1 Timothy 2:8”, and this is what pleases the wife and satisfies her more than material or the physical satisfaction which is not little in her sight, but love, compassion and controlling anger are two things that are very fulfilling for her more than anything, and this will continue and will remain the strongest influence.
This point that I mentioned is not to be waived at least to the man before the woman, that is, this must be available in the man because he is the leader, so he must be the most mature, but I put it in item number 5 because the person may be on the way to reach this maturity and this is wonderful, because you can be committed to a person on his way to maturity in his personality, and you can be satisfied that he or she started the journey of personality reproofing as long as there is the availability of the four previous points. At this stage, too, you should prepare yourselves and be ready to forgive each other if you did things right while you were growing and on your way to maturity.
The negotiable list:
This list is negotiable even if some points are not to be available in the person, but you can still be committed to him or her:
Beauty and height:
Do not measure beauty based on appearance but let your heart be filled with the Word and because of this you will find your spirit perceiving people more than your mind and their appearance. Proverbs 31:30:” Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.” Here, the bible makes it clear that you are not supposed to choose based on appearance in order not to be deceived. By appearance, he does not mean that you refuse to be committed to a beautiful woman, but the word beautiful must come out of your heart and your mouth as an evaluation after your standards being correctly biblical.
There is no specific age but in limits, there is no specific number of years for the difference between spouses, but the man must be the oldest because he is the leader.
You heard a lot about Abraham and Sarah and the age difference between them which is 10 years, but unfortunately some people made a doctrine out of it, but the book mentioned it only once to show the miracle so that we know how the women’s menstrual period was cut off from Sarah, and not in order to make it a doctrine. From a medical point of view, it is preferred that the age difference does not exceed more than 8 years, and ten years difference is accepted if the two people are spiritually mature, for the word of God will make their marriage beautiful.
She knows English or not, she knows how to cook or not, all of these do not make you reject or agree to a particular personality, but are things that can be acquired and are not essential, the essential is the non-negotiable list that we have previously studied together.
She might have a family of unbelievers but the most important is her personality itself or she might have an average family or an unknown one in society, all of this does not make you reject the woman or the man (in case of a proposal) but you can waive it.
You can be committed according to her denomination even if it is different than yours. This does not make you refuse the commitment that will last for a lifetime because of the wedding method. Be flexible because you have found a treasure.
The sacrament in marriage is not marriage but unconditional love. Many read Ephesians 5:32 and believe that marriage is a sacrament, but rather the sacrament in the days of Paul is what was recently revealed after Jesus, and as a result of the meanings revealed by the Holy Spirit regarding marriage, it is the “unconditional love” between husband and wife which is a solution to all problems, and a starting point to happiness for any family. This is the sacrament that Paul discovered with the help of the Spirit in the relationship of Jesus and the Church. Marriage is not uncovered recently, but rather it is about 4000 years before this scripture.
Second, you must put the other person first; it is not you who is the sacrament in the heavenly marriage.
Third, to give and not to take, and this is also the sacrament.
The biblical separation in choosing is God’s call on someone else’s life.
I want to single out this point, because he who knew what God’s will is for him and what his purpose for his life is, he got through a significant degree in his walk with the Holy Spirit. He who knows and agrees with you in the vision and the call, this person is born of God and is open to the Holy Spirit, even if he has studied the Word extensively or not because the heart of this person is directed to do what God wants, no matter what, and this is the way, the man of faith and heart-warming in his relationship with God “Abraham”, advised his son in choosing his life partner. I just wanted to draw your attention to this important point, and if you take it into account, you will spend a married life full of splendor and not misery, instead your marriage will be a blessing, not melancholic, and a burden that weighs heavily.
Some important questions for those who are about to get married:
- Should my parents be involved in my commitment? Should they decide for me or impose a certain person on me?
The father and the mother have the right to take up the role of advice and nothing more than this, and they do not have the right to impose their control over their son or daughter into committing to a certain life partner. This is a deprivation of freedom and even God does not do this personally. Perhaps there are reasons in many cases that push the father, mother, or some relatives to intervene in a controlling and unbiblical way to force a son or daughter to be committed to a certain person, but this is unbiblical, no matter how wonderful the motives are. When the children get over the adolescence stage and become mature, it is too late for their upbringing and correction, and the parents have no right to raise them all over again. Parents should do this in the early stages Proverbs 22:6: ”Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Training up starts in childhood and decrease progressively until the son or the daughter grows up.
And perhaps you have raised them in the wrong way and you have started to realize this mistake recently and you see your children taking the wrong path, all you have to do now is to advise them, pray and intercede for your children, but do not take the decision on their behalf, just provide them with correct information, pray in tongues and God will do a shifting miracle, even if it is too late for child-rearing, but it is not too for a miracle.
And if the choice of the son or the daughter for the partner is not good, then the parents should be content with giving advice and praying in tongues for the sake of the party that concerns them, that is, for the sake of their son or daughter. And if the son and daughter have been raised on the Word and the fear of the Lord, they will choose on their own the right person, and it will not happen that they are attracted in the wrong way to the wrong person, but rather they will be attracted to the right one and they will not suffer from adolescence because they were raised on the path of God in their childhood through spiritual parents, so the son or daughter will naturally adhere to the Word because the bible itself guarantees this in Proverbs 22:6.We also find some parents who worry about spinsterhood and want their sons and daughters to get committed at early age, as they did, and they impose on their children that they want to see offspring. These are all reasons that occur, but the children should make their own decisions and not be affected by these matters, no matter how loud they sound. Children, you should not let these voices be louder than the Word because you are the ones who will live with this partner and not them.
- What if this was you? (If your parents imposed on you a specific life partner) what would you do?
You should adhere to walk in love with them and hold on to your position because this is your decision and this is your life and you only have the freedom of choice, hold on to your position and let this be accompanied by praying heavily in tongues and daily confessions, and thus calmness would prevail in the house and they will let you make your decision on your own.
I remember this story about this subject: one of the girls reached out to me asking for help because of her parents who lock her in and beat her in order to make her commit to a specific person and unfortunately, I say this with deep sadness, because this what is happening in upper Egypt in some cities in North Egypt so I started praying for her and I kept on helping her and teaching her the Word of God ( teachings about marriage and commitment available in articles on our website) and how she can be steadfast in practicing her faith and proclaiming the Word of God so that a life partner would cross her way and propose. I also encouraged her to specify the traits: a spiritual person and a servant (this was her request). She continued like this for 3 years and during these years many were proposing her hand for marriage and she refused them all because they were unbelievers and every time a groom would come forward to propose, the house would turn into hell because they were afraid for her lest she would grow older and remain unmarried. And after all of this, the person whom the traits she has prophesied apply to, has proposed and now she lives a life full of happiness and serves the Lord as a jump-start. The Word of God brings forth results. Hallelujah!
- The fear of spinsterhood and its cure from the Word
In my service, I have found this topic is influentially in an unusual way on the lives of the sisters and this should not be the case. And before talking about the solution, I strictly advise you not to be moved depending on the need but based on knowledge, which means you should store up the knowledge of the Word of God in an early age so that the situation does not confront you while you are unprepared. Proverbs 10:14 store up the knowledge ahead of time and before the need arises, and establish the Word of God within you, and this must be in all the angles of your life. For example, in our topic, you have to know what God’s Word says about commitment before being committed, and so you reach that while you are prepared and ready for this step.
As for me, when I decided to know the Word of God about commitment, it was an advice from the Holy Spirit 9 years before I got married, and this made me prepare my personality, my spirit and soul early from the Word of God so that my marriage would be divine, and this is what I literally live today because of the Word of God, and you can be like this too.
Study the Word of God, meditate on it and visualize your life partner from the Word of God in a right way, and not by guessing nor by imitating a specific person. Do not study the Word of God only but put your faith into practice and declare daily at an early age not only days before committing but before the appropriate age to come. Prophecy and draw your future from the Word of God by speaking the Word so you reach the appropriate age while you are prepared.
You can declare like this (for the man): I will commit to a life partner and she will be a gift from God. Her worth and traits are exceeding and she will be completely submissive to me and eager in knowing the Word of God and she will be mindful in walking in her spiritual beauty which will be fulfilling to me… Speak what you want about this person whom is still anonymous to you in the time being and keep your heart from being directed to another person because you might have other candidates and the one who gets committed to another man receive it with joy because God has prepared for you a better treasure than her, not because she is not good but because she is not right for you. And when you are spiritually and psychologically ready, you have finished your studies, you have an income, and you have prepared yourself, start moving and you will reap what you sowed with your tongue for years and you will find her easily. Just walk in the way God wants to you walk in, meaning his call on your life, and be in the right place at the right time and you will find her easily and smoothly in an extraordinary way.
You can declare like this (for the girl): prophecy at an early age about your life partner and declare that your life partner will cross your path and you will get to know each other easily and there will be smoothness in the steps, and he will be a spiritually wonderful person who loves God and loves you and offers you tenderness and abundant love, and declare that you are a virtuous woman and that the right person will find you, and declare that the dishonest person who is not suitable by the standards of the Word that you have learned will keep away from you.
Cast your burden on God and walk in His Word and plan and complete the tasks he asks from you and it will go smoothly.
I would like to advise the girl: if you have grown old and your parents started to worry or if you have suffered rejection or called off an engagement, do not worry!
- Do not worry, it is in your hands, and not in the hands of men who propose, everything is possible for you, just practice your faith, yes, because you are from the spiritual world in which you are a queen. You can summon this unknown person by speaking in tongues and the spoken Word.
- I encourage you to insist on not committing with less than what you have declared and seen in the spiritual realm and the Word. Do not compromise and try to draw the attention of men so that they can commit to you. Continue in your secure and biblical behavior. This does not prevent you from adorning yourself as befits the scriptures, but let the motive is to be beautiful in appearance, not to attract attention but because you want to be good-looking because you are a child of God.
- Cast your burden on God and do not let the matter affect you, but whenever negative thoughts come to you, face it with the Word of God. Do not confront these thoughts with thoughts, but confront them with your spoken words that are higher than thoughts, as Lord Jesus did by resisting inner thoughts with His spoken words in Matthew.
- Pray in tongues a lot, and this is how you will pray for the unknown matters regarding the right person whom will propose and you need to filled daily with the Spirit and be joyful in your commitment before even being committed, this is faith. For more, read the article: The Holy Spirit and Faith.
- Declare these words over your life but before you do, meditate on it thoroughly and be filled with the Spirit. Isaiah 62:4:” Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken …” which means in Hebrew left by your husband or unwanted by men or forgotten. So this is a scriptural truth clarifying that the will of God for you is to be committed and not taste spinsterhood and this matter is not related to your outer beauty but to your faith and showing the beauty of your spirit. This will attract the right spiritual men.
I am in need for a miracle in my commitment
Concerning the girl:
This will not happen all by itself; you are the one to go through the miracle. It is only in your hands and not by how many people pray for you. Just walk in the Word like I have mentioned above. Do not pray by saying oh God! Do something about it but pray in faith, give thanks and say: Thank you, Father, for giving me all things, including a commitment. Romans 8:32, so I thank you that it is my right and I take it now in Jesus name, I thank you because my commitment is wonderful and the right person comes my way. I thank you; I thank you in Jesus name, Amen. Take your time while praying in tongues and let it be interspersed with revelations from the Word of God because at this moment the Holy Spirit will reveal to you more and more the word of God and give you words to proclaim.
Do not walk by sight… Ecclesiastes 11:3:” If the clouds be full of rain, they empty themselves upon the earth” Ecclesiastes 11:4:” He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap”. This verse means to charge your future and your days and do not look and wonder about the counterfeit reality, there is a charge in the clouds and it may seem as if it does not rain, but you will find it happens suddenly as a result of your words of faith and your prayers in tongues with intensity, and you will forget the fatigue of the hardship that you went through because you will be happy in a wonderful marriage as a result of your belief and that will compensate you from all what you have suffered.
Concerning the man:
Do not miss the opportunity when you are ready and have found a life partner whom matches the biblical standards. Move and don’t be dismayed by the previous failed commitment plans, do the same as the previous steps and declare that you are a good and honest man and you will find the right person. The initiative is your role, so do not hesitate, and this matter is in your hands, God will not propose on your behalf. And do not promise or approach a person that you are not sure that you intend to commit to or that you are not ready to marry in the first place, but be honest and practical. You can practice your faith and you will find results and get yourself ready financially in a fast way and you will relate to the woman of God.
I remember a person who was imprisoned and got out of prison intending to be engaged and shared with me that the teaching I gave him about healing, prosperity and behavior by faith helped him to form himself financially and quickly, even though he got out of prison and thought that it would take many years to establish himself, but within a short period he was able to establish himself financially and to practice his faith to be committed despite the bad reputation that was apparently affiliated with him because of his past, but he practiced his faith and found acceptance from the family of his life partner and they were engaged. Glory to God, the Word of God produces results.
A lot of girls feel that is unfair that they cannot take the initiative to propose, although they are convinced that this is biblical, but they feel that it is unfair!
Unfortunately, they do not understand that they are anointed to be submissive women, you are anointed to submit, and if you do that you are going out or acting against your nature, because it is the man who is anointed to lead, so the leader is always the one who takes the lead. And if you are a girl who has learned how to practice her faith from the beginning, you will not object to this principle because you know how to practice your faith because with faith everything is possible.
The Word of God will make your life beautiful; the Word of God will make your commitment beautiful more than you can ask or think of.
من تأليف وإعداد وجمع خدمة الحق المغير للحياة وجميع الحقوق محفوظة. ولموقع خدمة الحق المغير للحياة الحق الكامل في نشر هذه المقالات. ولا يحق الاقتباس بأي صورة من هذه المقالات بدون إذن كما هو موضح في صفحة حقوق النشر الخاصة بخدمتنا.
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